Sadness, loneliness

This few weeks, i faced a lot of problem that i cant go through by myself.. I fall in like (love for me is a promises, so i wont easily say love). I don understand my feeling, i just not happy, if i cant understand then how am i goin to share with my frens? Even though i knew many ppl worry bout me, i know.. I feel so sorry to all my fren especially my brother..

My bro is the one who used to go out wif me, but he went to Thailand for a week, then tats the week when i have problem.. So.. i changed alot during the weeks. Not tat i wan but can u imagined i went out every9 just drinking and smoking, i get used to this kind of life, is EVERYNITE oh.. EVERYNITE..

Now i think without drinking i cant really sleep, i must have some alcohol to cool down myself.. I know its not good for health, i just cant control. Without loud songs, without dancing, when i stayed at home alone, in a quiet space, i'll think alot.. I'm a negative thinking and no confident in my heart. Bcox when ppl see me, they thought i'm happy and very playful girl. But then mayb i used to be like tat so i cant changed anymore, when i'm quiet they'll think tat i'm angry or not feeling well and ask me to do tis and that o even act cute. Tats y i said i a bit like actress now. i will hide the real me and show the part they would like to know..