Fall in to you is a surprise for me this year. Its something unexpected. And its something sweet but now bitter till i cant even describe how hardly to stay on every day with or without you.
Its been 3months since the night both of us confessed to each other. I can only remember what i remembered ( we are both drunk ). Once i think back the night when we are drinking, omg.. i am tearing just to think of it i am so happy and.. feel so sweet of you. That is the time when the "ADMIRE" become "LOVE". The impact on me is quite serious. I missed the night when you pulled me for a midnight walk. Walked along the trees on both side and a nice dark sky. U pulled me nearer to your side and talked to me ( cant really remember our conversation ). What i can do is just keep avoiding because i am so shy and so scare. I scare of something different than usual because i worried i will disappointed once it change again. After the walk i become so quiet as i think i am blushing that time as i am so shy. We went back to our room ( fyi, we are sleeping on the same bed, but its queen size bed so.. so.. spacious for us ). When i'm still in the previous shock, another shocking things came up, we talked alot while laying to each other, suddenly he cried ( i think its fake ) and asked, why i never think of him, y i never give him a chance, i was like so shocked as i already i am so fall to him, but i want to keep it to myself and a best friend of me, but what he said hurt me so badly till i forced him to face me and i told him, i hate myself alot because i am so fall to you. And i can feel that i almost collapsed because i shouldn't tell him and both of us is IMPOSSIBLE, i know him well, what tat happened on us is like FXXXKING IMPOSSIBLE. Then i rejected him.. Now i am so regretted i said so. I AM SO REGRET. I cant believe that i am so in love to him, i even cried once i get drunk and a few days on leave not to go to work as i cried till i fall asleep and easily awake from sleep just to cry. I really live like a zombie for the early 1 to 2months. Now no better than that.
I don remembered how many times did we talked about regarding that incident but i know now is his turn to reject me. I don blame him, as i still know that we are really IMPOSSIBLE, but recently my though have changed. I wish for a chance, a chance for us to try, but seems like its not possible anymore, he is leaving me soon and i keep pushing him away too.
Previously i did say that i want to leave, just to go somewhere else maybe somewhere far. And he doesn't allow me to and now he is leaving, he wan me to say "don go" too??? Is it??? I don know.. I don like assumption, because i am scare of changes, no.. shouldn't say its a changes, i mean i don like to assume by myself, i am sure i will assume what i wish for. If its not what i assume, i will be super duper sad. I don wan myself to fall in that infinite black holes.
There are more things happened within this 3month but.. I don know how am i going to share so.. I only share the main reason i become so not like me.
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